Don't Do What Dini Does: A Reactionary Review to DARK NIGHT: A TRUE BATMAN STORY

So. Over on Comics Bulletin, I wrote a review of Paul Dini and Eduardo Risso's new autobiographical comic out of Vertigo books called DARK NIGHT: A TRUE BATMAN STORY.

It is one of the first reviews where I felt it necessary to organize around a thesis statement.

Dark Night: A True Batman Story lionizes the fragile masculinity behind old guard comics fandom and perpetuates all that is wrong in the closed world of corporate comics culture.

READ THE REST OF THE REVIEW HERE.

How I Learned to Love Cosmic Odyssey and Still Hate Superheroes

After some cajoling, I agreed to take part in Comic Bulletin's retrospective review of Jim Starlin and Mike Mignola's four-part DC Comics Crossover Event COSMIC ODYSSEY. I was tasked with taking on issue three.

READ THE WHOLE REVIEW HERE

So when asked to participate in this series of reviews of Cosmic Odyssey, I agreed out of some sort of sense of obligation (and also because I was drunk and Chase Magnett is so darn cute when he gets excited about these things), rather than any actual interest. Because, really, sometimes it boils down to a simple question: When you already know how the story is going to end, how do you muster up the interest to care? This is the concern of every high-pitched marketing plan and is the fundamental problem I have with Corporate Owned Intellectual Property Superhero comics. These books are so suffused with the bright colored bombast of a simplistic and jingoistic morality wrapped snuggly around an underlying and frightening hypocrisy in which a single definition of “good” triumphs constantly and consistently over a single definition of “bad”. They can’t help but run the gamut from being predictable to being tiresome as they hamfistedly lurch through the trappings of the monomyth, stripping it of any universal truths or insights into the human condition.

And yet these stories persist, desperately so, as if their existence fulfills some sort of human need. They become the talk of the town under the illusion of the new, as PR chattel churn out promises of nothing will ever be the same again and you can’t possibly miss this, sadly ecstatic that their heroes are news.

My Continuing Crisis ENDS: Writing on CRISIS ON INFINITE EARTHS 12

IT COMES TO AN END...

As some sort of "self-flagellation psychological experiment", I agreed to take part in Comics Bulletin's celebration of the 30th anniversary of DC Comics' FIRST MAJOR CROSSOVER EVENT, Crisis on Infinite Earths.

READ OUR "REVIEW" OF ISSUE #12 HERE.

Say what you will about superhero comics, the truth we’ve all learned from this experience is that they are all always the same. You can dress them up however you want, but in the end it’s all about solving problems by punching them and imposing one type of moral structure upon another. It’s as predictable and as hollow as the Cena/Orton rivalry became after a while, and the awe-like entertainment it once provided either switches into feeding a habit or drugging you from having to make interesting choices.

Superheroes are the heroin of comics. Crisis just showed that your dealer has more stamina than you.

My Continuing Crisis: Writing on CRISIS ON INFINITE EARTHS 11

IT CONTINUES...

As some sort of "self-flagellation psychological experiment", I agreed to take part in Comics Bulletin's celebration of the 30th anniversary of DC Comics' FIRST MAJOR CROSSOVER EVENT, Crisis on Infinite Earths.

READ OUR "REVIEW" OF ISSUE #11 HERE.

The narrative conceit that has been guiding this rudderless ship for so long has finally crested whatever intellectual wave it had been riding and has begun to surf the face of profundity. Infinite Earths have coalesced (seemingly) into one, leaving not only destruction in its wake, but also the clarity engendered by complete confusion. Heroes are left unsure of their purpose as much as they are unsure of their identity.

Wolfman is working in the world of what it means to be human and the nature of personality. He posits the a prioriassumption that our sense of self is initially derived from the sum of our experiences — that we are who we are due to everything that has happened to us along the way. He then brings to fore the question of what happens to an individual’s sense of who they are if all of those experiences are completely erased and the individual can no longer look to their past to understand their present.

What happens, at least in this ridiculous instance here in Crisis, is the individual confronts the abyss. They have, for lack of a more accessible lexicon, a complete existential breakdown.

My Continuing Crisis: Writing on CRISIS ON INFINITE EARTHS 10

IT CONTINUES...

As some sort of "self-flagellation psychological experiment", I agreed to take part in Comics Bulletin's celebration of the 30th anniversary of DC Comics' FIRST MAJOR CROSSOVER EVENT, Crisis on Infinite Earths.

READ OUR "REVIEW" OF ISSUE #10 HERE.

So go ahead and mix together your “electricity based volunteers” and “our magnetic friends” and add a dash of “the sorcerers” all you want, but week-old bread still tastes stale and it’s hard to bite down on, let alone chew.

My Continuing Crisis: Writing on CRISIS ON INFINITE EARTHS 9

IT CONTINUES...

As some sort of "self-flagellation psychological experiment", I agreed to take part in Comics Bulletin's celebration of the 30th anniversary of DC Comics' FIRST MAJOR CROSSOVER EVENT, Crisis on Infinite Earths.

READ OUR "REVIEW" OF ISSUE #9 HERE.

Seriously everybody, there’s just so much that goes wrong in Crisis on Infinite Earths #9, isn’t there?

I mean … Wow

Before we start though, know that I get it. I’m no fool, I understand that this was a CROSSOVER EVENT from the mid 1980s, and, given that context, I can almost read the “can’t keep it in his pants” misogyny of Beast Boy, view the appearance of the Confederate Flag on the Haunted Tank, witness the inclusion of “the cosmic treadmill” (Come ON!), and be introduced to every fucking possible superhero and supervillain ever in this issue  — (why do I need to see Jack Ryder — heh — activate his “molecular transducer” — double heh — to become The Creeper and then never really see him again except to let us know that he “trusts no one,” especially the ladies?) — without setting this book on fire in some sort of desperate purgative plea to whatever higher power is punishing us for our past sins.

My Continuing Crisis: Writing on CRISIS ON INFINITE EARTHS 8

IT CONTINUES...

As some sort of "self-flagellation psychological experiment", I agreed to take part in Comics Bulletin's celebration of the 30th anniversary of DC Comics' FIRST MAJOR CROSSOVER EVENT, Crisis on Infinite Earths.

READ OUR "REVIEW" OF ISSUE #8 HERE.

Now you’ve put me on the spot, when all I really wanted to write about in this issue was Darkseid’s use of air quotes… I really want to know more about his “certain precautions”, what it means to “cloak” instead of cloak, how his version of the “status quo” differs from mine, and what exactly is that “lesson” he means.

It’s cryptic stuff, and, by golly, I sure did want to write screeds about that.

Either that, or even take on the inclusion of a female character named Vixen — seriously — who is standing over a man she has shoved up against some console with her leg between his saying, “You’re in for the ride of your life!” — but I realize this aspect is fraught with gender politics and I’ve vowed to not enter into those debates anymore, but rather just listen to and support those who have a direct experience with such matters.

So air-quotes it was to be as A) I am a high school English teacher, so I know something about grammar and punctuation, and B) waaaaaaaaay more funny.

But now I feel robbed of this opportunity because Stack wants to raise the level of discourse and actually talk about comics criticism in general and Crisis in particular.

My Continuing Crisis: Writing on CRISIS ON INFINITE EARTHS 7

IT CONTINUES...

As some sort of "self-flagellation psychological experiment", I agreed to take part in Comics Bulletin's celebration of the 30th anniversary of DC Comics' FIRST MAJOR CROSSOVER EVENT, Crisis on Infinite Earths.

READ OUR "REVIEW" OF ISSUE #7 HERE.

I keep thinking that Pariah is Wolfman’s mouthpiece for the struggles he is having writing this unwieldy thing. After all, early in this issue, he says, “In the name of all justice, have I not atoned for my sins.” It’s like confession or psychoanalysis or some other deep, inward journey of the soul. Somehow Crisis must have been purgative for Wolfman. You can’t vomit up this much fetid claptrap without it being cleansing in some manner. By getting every single fucking superhero bullshit easy-bake narrative hogwash out of his gizmo in one single series, he must have then gone on to a quiet life of thoughtful musing and philosophical meditation, right? I mean, once you write something like, “Super-breath may be one of my dumber powers… but it sure comes in handy now and then!” you’ve got to have that all out of your system, right?

Hmmmm…. according to Wikipedia, after Crisis, Wolfman ended up at Disney. That makes sense. It’s the happiest place in the world after all.

There’s clues to Wolfman’s questioning his role in perpetuating these superheroic shenanigans all over the place. He has Atom (whoever the fuck he is) say, “Am I playing a game meant for young folk only?” He has Uncle Sam say in his folksy manner, “We’ve all been down an’ low. But a good man always rises.” He has Supergirl say, “There’s always hope! You can’t give up hoping. Not ever!” This isn’t a Crisis on Infinite Earths, this is a Crisis of a Waffling Wolfman!

My Continuing Crisis: Writing on CRISIS ON INFINITE EARTHS 6

IT CONTINUES...

As some sort of "self-flagellation psychological experiment", I agreed to take part in Comics Bulletin's celebration of the 30th anniversary of DC Comics' FIRST MAJOR CROSSOVER EVENT, Crisis on Infinite Earths.

READ OUR "REVIEW" OF ISSUE #6 HERE.

I was really about to light this shit on fire in order to warm my balls while I pissed on it (which, I realize, wouldn’t actually work, but I’m dabbling in metaphor so get off my back), when Comics Bulletin Grand Poobah Jason Sacks said to me, “Think of it as an exercise in automatic writing.”

What?

An exercise in automatic writing?

BOOM!

It was a moment of satori for me.

My friends, all this time I’ve been looking at Crisis on Infinite Earths from the wrong perspective. Up until now, I’ve been drunkenly reading it as a failure of traditional narrative and character exploration. I’ve been bewildered by why fanboys like Zack Davisson have been fawning over this obviously flawed and misguided attempt at some sort of epic poem (featuring superheroes no less). I’ve been questioning whether or not I am so out of touch with the mainstream that, in essence, I’ve become the cranky old man of Comics Bulletin.

But then Sacks set me straight.

As Cassius says in Julius Caesar, “The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars, but in ourselves…”

All it takes is a change in perspective, a reading through a different lens as it were, for everything to fall in place.

My Continuing Crisis: Writing on CRISIS ON INFINITE EARTHS #5

IT CONTINUES...

As some sort of "self-flagellation psychological experiment", I agreed to take part in Comics Bulletin's celebration of the 30th anniversary of DC Comics' FIRST MAJOR CROSSOVER EVENT, Crisis on Infinite Earths.

READ OUR "REVIEW" OF ISSUE #5 HERE.

"I want to pick up on your initial point above, Sonne, that of “quantity equals quality”. You’re too young to know it, but this was sort of the battle cry of the go-go 80s. There we were, reeling from all the tacky and weird shit we consumed as a culture in the 70s, when finally our nation discovered Reagan and cocaine and the fact that indeed the clothes made the man and the Soviets still wanted to annihilate us and greed was good and anyone who wasn’t making it in America was simply a lazy fucker and why have two when you can have four and big hair and shoulder pads and consume or be consumed. USA! USA!

When we would make beer runs in the mid-80s, we would always be hollering “quantity over quality!”, because there was drinking to do, the end justified the means, and we had to wash down that plastic taste in our mouths from licking all the corporate assholes we could as we tried to climb that brushed chrome ladder of success (which totally falls apart as a metaphor, but whatever… look at how many words I was able to squeeze out of it).

So yea, of course Wolfman and Perez had to shove as much foul calf and pony meat as they could into this thin skinned casing because not only was that the zeitgeist, and how else are you going make sure that your fictional world will NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN unless you cover us all in all of your spittle as you scream it in our faces over and over again.

Pfffffttttt…..

Fucking superheroes…"

My Continuing Crisis: Writing on CRISIS ON INFINITE EARTHS #4

IT CONTINUES...

As some sort of "self-flagellation psychological experiment", I agreed to take part in Comics Bulletin's celebration of the 30th anniversary of DC Comics' FIRST MAJOR CROSSOVER EVENT, Crisis on Infinite Earths.

READ OUR "REVIEW" OF ISSUE #4 HERE.

"Crisis #4 is certainly a turning point in my understanding of why these books resonate with so many fans of these sorts of comics. I mean, dig that five panel scene with Wonder Woman in which Wolfman kind of explores the complex nature of the relationship between a mother and her daughter. And then there are the last three pages of this book which are as beautiful as they are powerful. Wolfman steps out of the way and lets Perez do the storytelling as we bear witness to the annihilation of universes on a cosmic scale.

I found myself raising my glass at the end, not so I could suck it dry in a desperate attempt to drown my horror, but rather as a toast to something grand and something compelling. "

My Continuing Crisis: Writing on CRISIS ON INFINITE EARTHS #3

IT CONTINUES...

As some sort of "self-flagellation psychological experiment", I agreed to take part in Comics Bulletin's celebration of the 30th anniversary of DC Comics' FIRST MAJOR CROSSOVER EVENT, Crisis on Infinite Earths.

READ OUR "REVIEW" OF ISSUE #3 HERE.

"It seems like this thing is just coming apart at the seams (which, in a way, makes it kinda seamy). Nobody seems to know what the hell is going on. From The Flash asking, “Wh-what the hell is that?” to Jackie from Easy Company saying, “Somethin’ crazy’s goin’ on here, Rock.” to the Monitor himself stating quite clearly, “There is no answer. Indeed, there can be none.” this book has gone so far off the rails that it’s flipping boxcars, boxcars, boxcars racketing through snow toward lonesome farms in grandfather night…  Who’s Howling here now?

Still, what do you expect from a Crossover Event in which NOTHING WILL EVER BE THE SAME AGAIN?

Clarity? Pfffffffttttt."

My Continuing Crisis: Writing on CRISIS ON INFINITE EARTHS #2

IT CONTINUES

As some sort of "self-flagellation psychological experiment", I agreed to take part in Comics Bulletin's celebration of the 30th anniversary of DC Comics' FIRST MAJOR CROSSOVER EVENT, Crisis on Infinite Earths.

READ OUR "REVIEW" OF ISSUE #2 HERE.

When you remove the subtly of moral fluidity, when you call people simply heroes tried and true, you grant them the power to do as they will because we trust them to do right, and we’ve all seen how wrong that can go, the horrible things done in the name of What’s Right Black And White.

My Crisis: Writing on CRISIS ON INFINITE EARTHS #1

What Have I Gotten Myself Into?

As some sort of "self-flagellation psychological experiment", I agreed to take part in Comics Bulletin's celebration of the 30th anniversary of DC Comics' FIRST MAJOR CROSSOVER EVENT, Crisis on Infinite Earths.

READ OUR "REVIEW" OF ISSUE #1 HERE.

After reading this first issue, I kinda want to echo the words of that weepy dude who keeps popping up to watch worlds ending while wearing a fetching green cloak and way too much eyeliner. He says, “How much longer must I suffer for my sins… before I may be spared the witnessing of these horrors?”. Because this beast of a book sure is one scrum of a story, a pile-on to mirror (or mask) some sort of Homeric intent.

So… how much longer must I suffer?

Oh, that’s right. There’s twelve issues. One whole year of Crisis.

Pffffftttttt….. This is not going to end well for me.